Hacky, Wheezy, & Snoozy

Yes, Hacky, Wheezy, and Snoozy are the new "it" dwarves (the other 4 would be Hungry, Survivey, Anxiety, and Meditatey).

Dwarf 1: Hacky decided to bring me a lovely hacking cough that involves wheezing whilst and beyond coughing fits. Lovely, right around finals AND when I'm due to start working at my new job. Absolutely perfect timing, no? I swear I sound like I have the plague...be it black or white or yellow or whatever the hell...I sound like I'm going to infect the world.

Dwarf 2: Wheezy is the cousin to Hacky. 'nuff said.

Dwarf 3: Snoozy is the dwarf that decides to pop in and out whenever he pleases. Damn this creature. Tea is not an adequate fortress against Snoozy so sometimes I will just crash, despite the incredible inconvenience it will lead to (and desperation)...and consequences. And other times, he's good and stays away and lets me actually be awake and productive.

Survivey and Anxiety are always around.....so I give up trying to boot these dwarves out...though they might downgrade their insanity after this afternoon. Here's to hoping, right? Hungry comes and goes....but I haven't been treating this dwarf too nicely. I keep eating junk food and snacking...ah well. Meditatey is the dwarf that keeps tugging at my heartstrings and I do little methods like breathing but I simply do not have the energy or time to sit and just try to full out meditatively write, although I know I urgently need to!

Belief is Power

"Believe that you have it, and you have it." /Latin Proverb/

and...

"You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” /Stockdale Paradox/

Perceptual Awareness of Obstacles

I'm grappling with the dire awareness that I'm not who I was, that I'm not who I want to be [yet]. I'm struggling with reaching acceptance of who I am right now, at this very present moment.

Feeling lost, but I'm hanging on. I haven't given up and I don't want to, even though the option stares temptingly at me. The strength is somewhere within me and this is a call to dig deep, deeper than ever before. These things are sent to try us....right? These obstacles serve to build your strength, to build your determination, to test our perseverance. And that thought is what is keeping me going.

Breathe. I will make it through this moment. I will live this moment. I am in the now. Breathe, and begin anew. Breathe, and keep going.

Learning to accept myself and my situation is my newest obstacle...despite all the challenges being thrown at me, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Any motivating words, anyone? I could really use some reassurance right now.

This Awkward Ninja is Ill

Just coming off a crazy week of 3 different types of drama, a meeting in which I wanted to stab my eyes and brain out, new job orientation, on top of being insanely behind on my schoolwork...

Now I'm ill. Yay me. I have the fun fatigue and sore throat symptoms...had the chills last night but I'm so glad that's gone at least. Whee.

With so much that has happened, I am most genuinely surprised that I have not yet collapsed in tears. Well, there was that 5-hour panic attack last week in which River Jenn ran abundant but I'm really surprised I haven't collapsed yet. Weird, huh?