Upcoming + new fave quote

"The overdressed traveller betrays more interest in being seen than in seeing, while the true traveller knows that the novel world about her serves as the most appropriate accessory." ~Galinda/"Wicked" by Gregory Maguire

~*~*~*~

Definitely lovin' the idea of coming up with more bumper stickers for Cafepress. I've been playing with the idea of designing some more shirts, but less at someone's request and more for myself--that is, something I'd actually buy for myself. I've been inspired with coming up with affordable Christmas gifts this year that both have great significance and something creatively personal. I'll write more (and post more) when I develop them further.

On a bigger scale, I'm planning on decorating my tiny (8.5' x 8.5' room before my classes start in October. That gives me about 2 weeks and that should be more than enough time! I'm going to do a fabric canvas on one wall, something vibrant and makes me happy, especially since this is a very small room and the room is extremely tiny. I'm also going to put up my Rent poster and two prints I bought from museums in Paris that I've treasured. I'll eventually make a vision board so that'll go up as well. In the works as well is an altar of the spiritual/creative variety, something that holds personal meaning and reminds me when I'm down that life doesn't quite suck TOO much.

Wish me luck!

Happy September

September bodes several things:

[a] time for me to return to San Francisco
[b] the anniversary of September 11
[c] my futile attempts to rid myself of one-piece swimsuit tan lines
[d] a whole lot of scrapbooking and Photoshop-ing
[e] seeing the musical South Pacific

---

I impulsively decided to make a bumper sticker for my CafePress store and so I started off with a simple one: http://www.cafepress.com/Ivymere.407184363

It's a "got snark?" bumper sticker with a basic black background and pink font. I am feeling a bit of the mood to make more so I might do a couple more this weekend. I'll share them here when I do.

If I were to sing my heart out right now...

I've painted my world
brilliant colors
splashed across the evening sky
and dreams haven't changed
but as twilight fades
angels can only hear you

Bitch Magazine Subbie

Me, Myself, and the True...

"Don't let your character change color w/ your environment. Find out who you are & let it stay its true color." -Rachel Scott

Well, I've been encountering terminology like the "inner child" and the "true self" and the newest one is "inner artist" so I'm concluding that these are really essentially the same being. I believe that the name might differ but the substance in question is really who you are, deep inside (sometimes hidden and sometimes not). It's, honestly, a bit frightening to have to learn who I am. Yes, it can be exhilarating and receiving insights can be fantastically adrenaline-dashing, but it is a scary process. Why? Because I just might have to deal with things that hurt so much I deliberately stopped thinking about them to begin with. Because I might learn some nasty things about others and myself.

Because illusions disappear.

For Mum

A Mother's Day poem
By UNKNOWN ARTIST

Did I remember to Thank You?


As I look back on my life
I find myself wondering...
Did I remember to thank you
for all that you have done for me?

For all of the times you were by my side
to help me celebrate my successes
and accept my defeats?

Or for teaching me the value of hard work,
good judgement, courage, and honesty?

I wonder if I've ever thanked you
for the simple things...
The laughter, smiles, and quiet times we've shared?

If I have forgotten to express my gratitude
For any of these things,
I am thanking you now...
and I am hoping that you've known all along,
how very much you are loved and appreciated.

Someone Shared This And Now I'm Passing It On

The Three Oddest Words

When I pronounce the word Future, the first syllable already belongs to the past. When I pronounce the word Silence, I destroy it. When I pronounce the word Nothing, I make something no non-being can hold.

By Wislawa Szymborska

First Try - Acrostic Poems

Disclaimer: I am not too familiar with acrostic poetry and only learned of such a form very recently. I feel the need to write something so I will give it a spin. I don't presume to say I'm any good but I simply need to get something going.

--

Down in a slump
Extremely hopeless
Arriving at a conclusion
Take a huge step
Headlong into nothing

--

Faced with possibilities
Reality is what I make it
Endurance is the key
Effort to maintain

--

Many a dream
Yearning to do more, be more, learn more
Seeing the world personally
Enduring the hardships
Living with passion
Fear not stopping me

--

Daring to be
Existing
Faring with success
Yoke in ambition

Muse On This

For once you have tasted flight, you will always walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.

Leonardo DaVinci

One More Fat Remark

I visited my grandmother tonight, who lives just about a block away from me. I've returned to Hawaii for the summer so it's only proper that a dutiful granddaughter make the rounds.

Not anticipating any particular negativity, I'm stumped and a little surprised when she tells me that the swimming I've been doing is good because I can lose weight. At this point, I'm really more surprised at the fact I was stupid enough to not anticipate the remark.

No, her remark isn't all that petty or mean. Yet. Let's hear the rest, shall we?

Stung, I claim I'm not exercising to lose weight. Truth is, I'm not. I'm doing it for the endorphins to feel mentally well, not with the weight-loss motivation. She says I should because I'm roly-poly. We then proceed to talk about food and she proceeds to tell me I don't need to eat so much because I'm already fat. I, trying to take a higher road than resorting to crazy blow-up tantrum, reply saying that no one likes to hug skinny people because they're all skin and bones. Hugging them only involve hugging sharp angles and jabbity jabs. (There are exceptions, I suppose.) She just looks at me like I'm an alien martian about to eat chickadees.

According to this website, http://www.halls.md/body-mass-index/bmi.htm, my BMI is NOT over 25, which is the "overweight" range. I'm 21.9, which, granted, is on the higher end, but I'm still normal, thank you very much. As for percentile, I'm 34th, meaning 66% of others weigh more than I do. Overall, the numbers aren't my ideal, but they're not completely rock bottom either. This only confirms what I've always known. My weight is fuckin' normal and I'm sick and tired of people trying to convince me that I'm morbidly obese.

Apologies

My theory...?

Don't apologize for who you are. Apologize for what you do.

Life To You

Life is a paradise for those who love many things with a passion"-- LEO BUSCAGLIA

Spamalot's Awesomeness

In London, I watched Monty Python's Spamalot just because I had heard good things about it from my fellow writerly-musicals-loving friends. I gave it a try, even though I didn't know what to expect and had never watched any Monty Python films. Wow. It was suprising. It took me the entire first half to really "get into it" because I had a hard time adjusting to the humor, though it was pleasantly entertaining. And there are lots of pop-culture references, which I miss, since I suck at pop culture.

However, I enjoyed it a lot. Enough that I've been debating for some time to watch it a 2nd time now that a tour of it is in SF. And I was resigned to not....need to save money. But I just bought a ticket. Granted, it's a cheap ticket ($30 in the way way back) but.....I'M GOING TO GO SEE IT YAY!!!!

I've been listening to the soundtrack again on imeem.com, which I haven't done in months...maybe over a year. And I found my favorite song from the soundtrack quickly.

Find Your Grail

[Lady of the Lake]
If you trust in your song
Keep your eyes on the goal
Then the prize you won't fail
That's your grail
That's your grail

So be strong
Keep right on
To the end of your song
Do not fail
Find your grail
Find your grail
Find your grail

Life is really up to you
You must choose what to pursue ohh yeeeah
Set your mind on what to find
And there's nothin' you can't doooo

So keep right to the end
You'll find your goal my friend
You won't fail
Find your grail
Find your grai-a-a-a-ail
Find your grail

[Company]
Find your grail
Find your grail

[Arthur]
When your life
WRONG: Seems dejeffed
RIGHT: Seems to drift
When we all need a lift
Tell yourself you won't fail
Find your grail
Find your grail

Life is really up to you
You must choose what to pursue
Set your mind on what to find

[Lady of the Lake]
And there's nothin' you can't do
You can't do
Dooooo!!

[Company]
So keep right (so keep right) to the end (to the end)
You'll find your goal my friend
Find your grail!
You won't fail
Find your grail
Find your grail
Find your grail!!

[Lady of the Lake]
Ohhhh
You'll find it!
You'll find it!
YEEEEAH!
You gotta keep on
Goin round!
Goin round!
Cause I know
YEEEEEEAAAH

~~~

And I was listening to it, singing along...and I realized why this song struck a chord within me. I'm doing the same thing. I am, quite literally and figuratively, trying to find MY grail. I feel like I'm so close to it but not quite. A little more, even though there are barriers in the way. It's almost like I can see it in the distance and no matter how much I keep running, I don't get near it. There are multiple sphinxes blocking the way or something. I don't know why this is so but that's what I feel like. So now this song is just playing nonstop! :p

Life for Experience

Own only what you can always carry with you: know languages, know countries, know people. Let your memory be your travel bag.

Alexander Solzhenitsyn

Shopping Therapy Rocks On

Si In and Marc are in town (their first mainland trip yay!) so I met up with them on Market St. after they wandered Chinatown. I hustled them to the different shops/Westfield and they had a blast! Or I hope they did. Si In was particularly excited about Victoria's Secret, Bath & Body Works, H&M, and Forever 21 (because it is 3 stories). She also managed to find things at Marshall's and Urban Outfitters. Marc got something at North Face before I even met up with them and at B&BW.

I took them to Blondie's for pizza (snack) and we later yelped a good Vietnamese place on Howard St. since pho is a mutual good choice for everyone.

Happy is me who gets a shopping buddy. H&M just had a new collection from Matthew Williamson come out last Thursday so I was way stoked about checking out the new season in general. I found lots of stuff I liked but ended up with 4 that actually looked good. Other than sticking to my normal darks and cools (and the occasional neutral), I added a top that's a splash of this summer's hot sizzling color, a vibrant orange. It's not tacky, I promise. And this is coming from someone who has actively avoided yellow and orange in pretty much anything I own. Divided (H&M) had a really awesome grey/silver skirt that looks edgy (slightly punk) and that's something I've always admired but never had the guts to try so now I'm trying it. I ended up purchasing it and I'm going to figure out an outfit with it! I bought one thing at Urban Outfitters and it's a slouchy shirt that my group in Styling last quarter used for one of the outfits. It has a happy face and says "Oui" on it. Very adorable. Now my mission is belts. I really need an assortment of belts.

Dollhouse Lives On!

Fox network execs have officially renewed the show Dollhouse by the brilliant Joss Whedon as of today, though sources leaked the news last Friday. Dollhouse fans are celebrating like mad mofos.

Joss Whedon on renewal: http://tinyurl.com/pt4jj8

Kevin Reilly of Fox did somewhat jokingly mention that had Dollhouse been canceled, there would've been 110,000,000 angry fan mail awaiting them: http://tinyurl.com/oy8hwm

All in all, I'm very pleased with this turn of events!

Only You Get the Right

What's that phenomenon where you can rage about your family/friends but as soon as someone else (i.e. outsider) does it, you hurl yourself at them as if they were about to score a touchdown?

It's kind of like a, "I'm the only one that's allowed to call so & so a big dipwit moron!" Almost territorial, isn't it?

And it's mighty hard to shake loose.

Music Resonates

"I’ve got to find a freedom that’s promised me
Freedom from our struggles and our misery
Freedom is all we need
To heal the pain of history

Each day when the sun shines upon my eyes
It fills me with love, makes me feel alive
I’m saving it up for a rainy day
When there’s no light to guide my way

Gotta find a freedom that’s promised me
Freedom from our struggles and our misery
Freedom is all we need
To heal the pain of history"

From Dollhouse season 1, episode 3
Lyrics by Jed Whedon

Video: http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/TS5niKuVQUk/

Groceries ARE Gratifying

Sheltered. Or maybe pampered is a better word. Either way, I don't like both of those words but I suppose "pampered" could've been somewhat readily applied to me. The "me" before I left home for the first time at age 19 to delve into a delicious summer in romantic Paris, France. The "me" before bravely stepping forward into a semester in London, England.

I've always been fairly lucky in the way of chores, considering how I was never "forced" to do much, though I assure anyone in doubt that I knew HOW to do them. (And if I didn't, I was in complete confidence that I could quickly learn.) The only things I've really cooked were rice, instant ramen, and eggs. My parents were direly disdainful of my abilities, or lack thereof. They loudly proclaimed that there was no way I'd ever survive on my own. I heartily tuned them out and knew that I was long past time to be on my own and that what I didn't know, I could figure out.

In essence, this fostered also a feeling of enforced dependence. If you weren't about to force me to do something, I'm not going to do them, not once I know they'll be done anyway. Sorry, but that's the truth of the story. Thus, I never knew how it felt to have complete control over what I wanted to eat, and when I would have that set of clothes cleaned or bedsheets laundered.

That first time I got to go to a grocery store by myself and truly was about to buy food for real meals? Vast. Simply vast. It still is. I still feel like going to a grocery store is a fun adventure and not a dried-up chore to be crossed off the list. Ice cream. Salad. Wild Alaskan Cod. Whatever I feel like should be in my diet and on this week's recipe, I put on my list. And I go and get it. And even if it takes lugging heavy bags of canned chowder up a steep hill that I need to stop twice to catch my breath, it is worth every bead of sweat.

Groceries have never been so gratifying.

No Words For It

What do you do with that feeling that sits inside you, yearning to be let out, but so remote that even you can't describe it?

It's inexplicably unexplainable. Perhaps it is my own lack of words and my own lack of coherency that fails me here, but I do know I'm not alone in feeling it. What is it that words cannot describe? It is a mixture of not one, not two, but several emotions wrapped up in a ball of enigma, though perhaps that's a little too poetic for something that seems lazier than the romantic ideal of mystery and discovery.

In any case, where is the invented word for this inexplicable feeling? Is it unattainable? It surely cannot be impossible, for if it is, it should not exist. For there's a theory that language determines (or so largely influences) one's culture, and if there is no word for it, does it really exist? What happens when one is of more than one culture? I, myself, have each foot stepped into American and Chinese cultures...and maybe another limb dipped into Hawaii culture. I can't say I'm fully grounded in any. There have definitely been times when I strive to describe something that fully exists as tangible as anything else in either language, such as a Chinese concept of a body ailment that sounds completely absurd in English or instead maybe the English word for passion that sounds altogether too romantic for my usage. Perhaps the same problem lies here, when I try to describe that feeling that fleetingly flits away from me when my spiritual fingers try to grab at it.

In any case, I suppose I must accept it for now...

I Can't Let Go

For a long time, I've been slightly proud of the fact that for the most part, I do accept people the way they are. This is because I believe extremely in respecting everyone's right to make their own choices and/or mistakes. Of course, I am human and thus, biased, so I will toss in my 2 cents (a nickel, even) often enough. And even though there are flaws that I grow to see in people around me, I learn to accept them, because it is part of who they are. A person without flaws would just be a boring person. Honestly, who am I to request people change their ways just to suit me? I am positive I have just as many annoying ticks that bug people. In that way, I'm content to live and let live.

It bothers me, realizing recently, that I can't let go of some people's "quirks"...whether because these very "quirks" fly in the face of my principles or because they crush my values and beliefs into nothingness. Maybe both. I keep asking myself if I will truly ever be able to accept these people as they are because this is their package and I should respect it. But, somehow, I feel that there must be a resolution and a mutual compromise, or I will always be at a standstill. One of us will always have to give in, then feeling resentful for it. The other, even having "won" the principle contest, will feel like s/he's lost something, even if it's that intangible thing. How do two people, at complete opposite spectrums, come to agreement? Is it even possible?

One can hope...

Seasoned Wild Turbot

Nancy, my roommate, had taco night last night! It was great, with her ground beef being awesomely seasoned and homemade guacamole. Trust me, that guacamole blew us out of the water. If we were fish, that is. Amity (our former roommate at our previous place) came over and pretty much died when she had it.

So tonight, I decided it's my turn to do something, since I am home all day. I pan-fried a Trader Joe's seasoned wild turbot filet. It was actually very good, except that it got cold really fast. I also had a salad waiting when Nance got home with a mix of romaine and other European lettuces, clementines, apple slices, raisins, baby tomatoes, and to top it all of, macadamia nuts! Dressed with Italian vinaigrette, it made a really good mix with the fish. I did, however, forget to make rice. Udon makes a good substitute.

For dessert, I'm enjoying a couple episodes of good telly. Here's the most fantastic thing I heard:
"Bras are like a boobie zoo." - Best line ever, from How I Met Your Mother (Season 2).

Destination here and now

Hello, first post, here I am.

Well, to share the inspiration for this blog's title:

Cardboard Castles by Diana Degarmo

She was a rainbow once
So colorful but that was once
Now that's impossible to see, to see
With a voice subliminal it's the only sign she's beautiful
Here's all that's left of her dignity
She goes yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

There's a Girl in New York City
Skylines no longer pretty
Bound for destination anywhere
She grew up in California
Big dreams, they tend to own you there...
Now she's building Cardboard Castles in the air...

----

So here I am, trying to make a somewhat meaningful first post, but who knows if it's working? In any case, my plans for this blog aren't particularly complicated. Random thoughts, maybe some good stories, book and movie reviews, new cooking accomplishments, and really, just motley mutterings.

And off we go!